I've never been willing to believe that it takes time to do anything worth doing...
Why waste? They're always there, the whiles,
Bathed in one another, waiting.
Every one can be won, and not one is worth
but the worth of another.
Beyond the belief that hard work and sacrifice will get me what I want...
I can see it now, dear. The baubles. The trinkets,
The ornamental sludge and the really, really cool thing!
I wish I could show you that
Hard work and sacrifice will get you... Hard work and sacrifice.
If I can't have it now I don't want it...
If I can just taste it on the tip of my, tip of my top,
Then I'll know that I didn't get it, and forget it.
To all others, those things that are not yet here,
To me, all that I find, exactly where I am.
Here it is, the thing I've been waiting for!...
Built before I noticed, an astronomical phenomenon.
A carefully constructed coincidence,
Clearly the creation of a Creator...
Clearly!
Like a day, it's so plain! Plain as day...
So plain that some kids come and paint-spray it away.
Dear Beautiful Blog-peoples,
ReplyDeleteThis is my fabulous roommate, Andrew.
Hey, Andy. I absolutely love how this unfolds.
I would take out the second set of couplets in that first section. I can't decide if the rhyme at the end is perfect or if I don't like it. I'm not feeling very constructive at the moment; I'll have to come back.
Wait, there's a rhyme? Where? 8-|
ReplyDeletereread your poem silly. last couplet. i thought it was intentional in that childish nursery rhyme way, which is kind of neat, but i thing you'd do better without it. just ending with "paint-spray it" <-- though why not say spray-paint?
ReplyDeleteRight, yeah there's a rhyme there. It's because it wanted to be a english sonnet but I wouldn't let haha.
ReplyDeleteIt has to "away" because it so plain that it loses its significance. It gets painted over, not just painted. At the end of the poem, it's gone.
And yes... Why not say spray-paint? :-)
Btw, I do agree about the "every one can be won" couplet. I don't really like it, but it just said what I wanted so perfectly that I had to leave it.
Thanks for the comments!